Nick Coleman - Professional Journalist

Normally I leave the fisking of Nick "Comrade" Coleman's columns to those that know him better than I do, I honestly rarely waste my time reading his drivel. However, I was sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office (our poor pooch has an ear infection) I couldn't help but see the headline....

"Nick Coleman: Holy Scripture! Bible thumpers can pack a punch
By Nick Coleman, Star Tribune"

Well you know I just had to read further...

"State Rep. Mark Olson, a Republican charged with domestic abuse after an argument with his wife last fall, has brought forth a novel defense at his trial in Sherburne County. Olson says that he is the victim and that he was abused by his wife, Heidi, who threw a Bible at him on several occasions, grabbing it from him as he read it and thumping him with it."

It's amusing to see Nick claim that he would never make light of domestic abuse all the while doing just that!

"Fortunately, remotes don't do damage to vital organs, so men take it in stride. After all, He who Shall Not Listeneth to his Wife During the Game Deserveth a Good Beaning.
If you want to read scripture in front of your spouse while she is doing the chores, you should read it in pamphlet form. Or wear a Holy Helmet.
I don't mean to make fun of domestic violence, which is a serious problem. And I believe the Bible offers many words of wisdom to live by, including these from Jesus: "Let he who is without sin cast the first Bible." Or something like that."

However, Nick was not satisfied making fun of domestic abuse....no he moved quickly into not only mocking Christianity but also highlighting the hundreds of years old history of past "sins" of the church.

"It's never good when the good book hits the floor.
In 1532, an Incan emperor named Atahualpa threw a Bible at the feet of a Spanish conquistador, who promptly began an attack that killed 7,000 Incans. For his sacrilege, Atahualpa was sentenced to be burned at the stake until he converted to Christianity, after which the Spaniards rewarded him with strangulation, which was quicker and neater.
Thanks, brothers!"

Then he comes forward several hundred years to take the Pope out of context...

"Four hundred and 75 years later (in May), Pope Benedict angered many Indians by saying in Brazil that their forbears had been longing for Christianity and implying that the deaths of their ancestors had been worth it. That's another story, too long to tell here."

Finally he finds a couple of oddballs to just round out the story.

"But the point is that the Bible is capable of being used to beat people over the head, as well as to change hearts. Turning a missal into a missile is an old habit that persists today.
Just last month, a guard in the Blue Earth County jail in Mankato was charged with using a Bible to beat a prisoner. And it's a two-way street: In Athens, Tenn., a street preacher was pepper-sprayed and arrested in May after hitting a cop with his Bible. And then there are the times when a man must open a can of good Old Testament whupass on someone to defend himself from a Bible-based assault:
Take the case of Apollo 11 astronaut Buzz Aldrin, who was accosted in 2002 by a skeptic who didn't believe man had been to the moon and demanded that Aldrin -- the second person to walk on the moon -- swear on a Bible that he had been there. After the man poked Aldrin one too many times with a Bible, Aldrin punched him in the schnozz. The cops refused to charge Aldrin."

But least you take it the wrong way, Nick assures the readers that he owns a Bible!

"The stakes and the contusions can be great when you are talking about a king-size clout with a King James. I have a 10-pound Bible at home, a reproduction of an ancient Irish Bible. Actually, it is only the New Testament, but if my wife dropped it on my head, I would be in heaven half an hour before the devil knew I was dead. "

So now we know....if someday we find Nick Coleman dead with a Bible nearby, well we certainly know that God didn't strike him down for doing anything the rest of us flawed humans do....It must have been at the hand of his poor wife....

Seriously, Nick is one of the most sanctamonious columnists that the Red Star employs. Of course that is why some of the best minds in the local blogging community have taken him on repeatedly. He just makes it so very easy to do.